An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my garden.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, so I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my garden, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar.
'He lives in a home, with my non-stop chatting and nagging wife, he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I also come with him tomorrow?’
Perhaps not exactly funny, but a good representation.
A moth comes into a chiropodist’s.
‘Can you help me, please?’ the moth asks. ‘I’m desperate. My wife has left me. My business has gone downhill. I’m in complete despair. You’ve got to help me.’
‘But how can I help you?’ said the chiropodist. ‘What you need is a psychiatrist. Why did you come and see me?’
‘The light was on,’ said the moth.
Credit to Barry Cryer via The Oldie.
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.
“Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, and it being the first day of the New Year, she decides to make the best of new intentions. So, since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.
“That’s true,” says God.
“So, what happened?” she asks.
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you!”
I was about to give this one a like when I realised that having just turned 81, midnight is still midnight when I get into bed, and that 8am is still 8am when I wake up.
What I find now is how quickly time flies.
Annoyingly, ten minutes go by during what feels like five minutes. So, to brew my early morning mug of tea the way I like it, I rely on a digital watch with a permanent five-minute alarm setting.
I received an email from a friend in London on my birthday saying ‘think healthy’. But I think young! I’m still bracketed between 35 and 50.
And life goes on the way I like it, more or less!
You poor old thing, my goodness, how can anyone bear to be as old as 81? 
