At the moment, where I am in Duolinguo is exceedingly difficult because of this. I have to translate things to/from American to have a hope of getting them right. Grumble grumble. Fortunately, there are other platforms, like Kwiziq, which are a lot easier from that point of view!
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Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. 
It’s hard to remember who’s posted what before. 
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With over 1300 posts, it’s difficult to keep track 
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I went to see a Spanish magician last night.
He opened the show by loudly proclaiming, “UNO!.. DOS!..”
And then he disappeared without a tres.
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Two judges were stumbling home from their local pub, arms around each other, loudly singing Kenny Rodgers. “Hey,” said one, “I think we’re drunk.” “You are right, and according to the law I will have to charge you with being drunk and disorderly,” said his mate. “And you will have to appear before me at 10AM tomorrow,” said the first.
Next morning in court, the first pleaded guilty to the charge and was fined $10. They then switched places. “Drunk and disorderly, eh? You are fined $20.” “Hey,” protested the first, “When I was in was in chair I only fined you $10!” “Yes,” said the second judge, “But the offence is becoming too common. You are the second drunk to appear before the court this morning.”
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Only if you’re an American 
311223 doesn’t have quite the same ring…
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Not a joke, but it amused me. An “Oh, flip!” moment for bear and man.
Aaaargh, my sincerest apologies just scrolled back 1/2 a mile and spotted your original post, I will have to stop eating parrot food. there must be something in it to make keep me repeating things 
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It’s really not a problem - I’ve duplicated my own post at least once.
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I don’t understand 
possibly an Aussie mistake too
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A dove would dive into the bushes.
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And if he did it yesterday, he would have dived into the bushes!
(Pedantics of the world unite…)
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Absolutely spot on, AM
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'Tis an old meme that I know and love.
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Love it! Just emailed it to OH. We both do it - shouting at the TV or radio " FEWER" and the other one: “whoM” :
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My current favourite is so often from the mouths of politicians, saying Incredibly when they mean extremely. Along with David Mitchell I shout 'as in not believable then? In other words, you’re lying. ’
Some of the nurses who come to our house say bonne journee when they are leaving and often ask me for the English so my wife will understand. As gently as I can I tell them that it is really the equivalent of ‘have a nice day’, but, being English, we don’t speak American. 
We have no compunction in saying bonne journee though as we are in France, and that Fran understands that perfectly well.
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So what would a grumpy old British man say? 