**Billy Bodger **
.
.
on the star ship Enterprise
the lights have gone all dim
captain Kirk decided to
get an electrician in
the electrician’s name was Bodger
he was fully qualified
what Captain Kirk didn’t know was
that he was completely colour blind
one to beam up said the Captain
Scotty was surprised
when he noticed that Billy Bodger
did not energise
Scotty flicked some knobs
and booted the machine
the coordinates were out of phase
and was nowhere to be seen
“I dinny know what happened”
the Scotsman shouted out
it turned out that Billy Bodger
had completely shorted out
finally he energised
he was smouldering red hot
his trousers were on fire
and he was moaning quite a lot
Spock grabbed the extinguisher
and promptly set it to stun
and covered Billy Bodger
in a sticky gun-gee gum
he opened up the fuse box
It was full of coloured wires
the insulation had melted
and the box had caught on fire
then suddenly there was this popping sound
and a smell of burning wire
then realised that the fuse box
would need a complete rewire
he followed all the wires
along the starboard side
he couldn’t find the problem
he was totally mystified
the wires went along the wall
then underneath the floor
and followed all the wires
to lieutenant Uhura 's door
he rang the door bell softly
the lieutenant pushed the door ajar
she asked him “what’s a matter”
as he crawled along the floor
the wires all came to a stop
and there he saw the problem
there was a three pin UK plug
with a 15 way extension
Connected to the wires
there were lots of stuff plugged in
i pad, sowing machine
and an espresso coffee maker
electric hair brush,curling tongs
and a personal computer
electric whisker, eclectic kettle
and an ice cream maker
there was a sky box, a Hauwei 20 pro
and a little blue tooth speaker
a bed side light, a dimmer switch
and a little yogurt maker
a rechargeable chain-saw
and a walking exerciser
“What’s a girl to do? “she said
“I am a famous actress”
“When I working on the star ship
“I’ve got to look completely ageless”
now Bodger’s job was over
he was finally beamed back down
he landed in the river Dronne
where he nearly drowned
Copyright © The Bored Bard 2020
Taking liberties with Grimmer, Spilling and Pants uation
"All characters and events in this poem– even those based on real people –
are entirely fictional and made up!
Honest
